


Scenes from an unaired episode

by sloganeer



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-01
Updated: 2006-11-01
Packaged: 2017-10-02 19:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sloganeer/pseuds/sloganeer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens in Cabo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scenes from an unaired episode

**Author's Note:**

> for ljuser=tangleofthorns, who asked for Arrested Development, Michael/Lindsay, post-series, rock and roll. Thanks to my friends Guisella and Roberto, who answered my stupid Canadian questions about Mexico and didn't blink when I asked for 'testicles' in Spanish.

This is Michael Bluth. He's had quite a few drinks. The bartender pours him another and tells him, "Tus testiculos son tan pequeños como los de una chinchilla." So why is Michael smiling? Because this is Mexico, and, although he is wearing a sombrero, he still can't speak the language.

There was something of a scene when they arrived in town. Michael, his father, George, and his son, George Michael [Inset: polaroid of the three Bluths, each with black eyes] only just made it to Cabo. The boil-in-a-bag meals sustained them on the trip from Balboa. The fights only became physical after George ate the last fettucine alfredo.

George Michael is the only Bluth who speaks the language. With his high school Spanish, George Michael runs the family's newest asset: the frozen plantain stand. Michael bought an empty tamale stand for 50 shares of frozen Bluth stock. It resembles a plantain enough to keep the number of tourists and locals demanding tamales to four or five a day. George hires a mariachi band to play the Señor Bananagrabber theme song in front of the stand. Business plummets, and they hire a local mother to teach them to make tamales.

Back in Balboa, Michael's mother is getting three birds out of her house with one brunch. Lupe is looking for a ride to visit her uncle at the University of Mexico. Lindsay is looking for Michael. Which is how Michael's sister, his niece, Maeby, and his mother's maid, Lupe, get stopped just this side of Mexico in the Bluth staircar. The border guard was no problem. Lindsay laughed along with Lupe when the guard made a joke comparing the gringo's brain to that of a chinchilla. It's a mile down the road where they're caught when their hop-ons hop off when Lindsay stops for a taco.

The girls spend the night with the local policía. The hop-ons are deported back to America [Inset: cameraphone picture of three college boys with black eyes and beer.], but the comandante [Inset: video of the Lupe's family waving to camera with arrow pointing to third man in fourth row on left.] agrees to send the girls on their way. He keeps Lindsay's counterfeit Chanel bag for his wife. He keeps the staircar for his kids' playground.

Lupe tries to call another cousin for a ride. Lindsay stands on the corner and yells at cars when they don't stop. Maeby calls the Mexico branch of Tantamount Studios, and they send a helicopter to pick them up.

Michael has the day off work [Inset: sign hanging on yacht reads "A Bluth casa is su casa"] for the town's annual Mariachi Elvis Tribute and Tamale Festival. Their own band is competing with their version of "Jailhouse Rock." It was a personal request from George, who lets them eat all the G.O.B.-style frozen plantains they want.

Michael needs a drink. He likes the bartender; he always has the best jokes.

From the helicopter, Lupe spots her mother making tamales, and they set down in the town square, bringing the contest to a halt. Cabo's comandante, a large-faced man who is not related to Lupe [Inset: that same video of Lupe's family waving. Note there is no arrow.], spills his tamale on his shirt. He's not impressed, and Lupe's mother is disqualified. The Cabo mayor declares Lucille Diego's chicken tamales the winner.

A man in a sombrero helps Lindsay out of the helicopter. He holds her tighter than Tobias ever could; she holds her hair down with both hands.

"Who paid for this helicopter?" Michael asks from under his hat.

The band sings, "Los hombres sabios dicen, sólo los tontos acometen adentro." The whole town is a little bit drunk -- Lupe barely notices. Michael stumbles backwards, but he keeps his hold on Lindsay, and the two hold each other up.

"I'm just drunk enough to do this," he says, and they kiss.

In fact, Michael's not drunk at all.

On the next Arrested Development:

George rehearses with the band: "Let's take it from the top, pardners."

Maeby scouts locations for her Spring Break flick: Three Men and a Tamale.

George Michael learns Lupe's mother's secret: "There's always money in the tamale stand."

Michael and Lindsay stay in Cabo long enough to learn Spanish: "What do you mean 'pequeños' means small?"


End file.
